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What Is the Grey Rock Method?

Posted on : October 22, 2021, By:  Mary Katherine Brown
New York Divorce Lawyer, Mary Katherine Brown

Dealing with a spouse who likes to start arguments, gaslights you, or accuses you of cheating is difficult. Often, these partners get pegged as “narcissists,” and while no one short of a psychiatrist can diagnose such a personality disorder, narcissistic traits are all too common in volatile marriages. 

The “grey rock method” is a way to begin disconnecting yourself from an emotionally abusive or controlling individual prior to and during the process of getting a New York divorce. Here’s what you need to know.  

“Grey Rocking” Defined  

The concept behind the grey rock method is to imitate a grey rock. Rocks are strong, emotionless, and unchanging. Their properties do not give or bend. In the same way, you can create boundaries and stick to them, not allowing your ex to draw emotion out of you or sway your resolve. 

When to Use the Grey Rock Method  

The grey rock method can be used during or after any break up or divorce. Even if your ex doesn’t have narcissistic tendencies or isn’t abusive, grey rocking can set the stage for a smooth, straightforward divorce. 

If your ex is volatile, grey rocking gives them as little to go off of as possible. It’s much more difficult to get upset or twist your words when your reactions are nearly emotionless and your answers are short and succinct. If your ex is prone to gaslighting you, the grey rock method can be particularly helpful. 

What Grey Rocking Looks Like  

Here are some examples of what grey rocking looks like in real life: 

  • Insisting your ex take their allotted child visitation time, even if they want to give it up 
  • Not answering your phone late at night if you’ve told your ex you won’t 
  • Refusing to speak to your ex if they’re yelling or being aggressive 
  • Notifying the court of missed alimony or child support payments, even if your ex asks you not to 
  • Replying to questions with factual or yes/no answers 
  • Avoiding emotional conversations or giving your ex details about your new life 

How to Get Help From a Brooklyn, NY Divorce Lawyer 

Getting a divorce is no easy task. It’s critical that you have adequate support starting from before you even notify your ex that you’re thinking about separating. Contact experienced Brooklyn divorce lawyer Mary Katherine Brown for a consultation today by calling (718) 878-6886. Our office is available now to assist you.

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